Time to look back. Am Zeit sieht man zurück. Je commence à voir en arrière. Reading about translation. And trying to get it right. Tu viens d’être dans les lieux. Les lieux de certain x. Quelconque. Donde te encontrabas: Berlin. Aussi d’où tu croyais que tu ne sortirais jamais. Erreur. Attend, il y a plus. N’.
¿Cuál es el exponente? -1, +1. Prends en considération le Meridian. Ou où tu trouves (maintenant). Back to (the) letters. À qui écris-toi ? ‘Engelhardt’ you try to make up the name of the restaurant of your last meal (not really). Schwarzkaffee. Café negro. Ja, bitte.
Colourful, even the toilette. « Even there there’s gods… » Geist, You tried to translate this joke, even though apparently it makes more sense in German. Censé.
Schnitzel, als deine Mutter es machtet. Simple pollo empanizado. Simple ? Imaginais-toi comme ça ta dernière journée à Berlin ? Pas. Pas la dernière. As the order goes, this would have been the one before the last night in Berlin—the one about which you wrote before (you always write before the end—about the end).
Revenons. La toilette. Les bières. One last image. Not really. (As the true last night, staying/resting in your demeure, you heard the screams of an old man. No, not actually, first you saw him while you came out of the Chinese restaurant with what’d have been really your last meal ; you saw him there, laying on the ground, and you thought of an accident. Umfall, Urfall ? Came upstairs, ate your meal, and your host asked you what was going on on the street… Ein alter Mann… vielleicht ist er verruckt. Ja. More than one cop. You saw as they pushed him against the car while he kept screaming for help. What did you understand ? « Krieg, Krieg ». Ich war in Deutschland.
Second day Tegel. More important than Charles de Gaulle. Always in airports. « das muss ein besonders interessant Leben zu sein », « ja, na klar ». As you said goodbye. Not really. You tried to take several pictures, instances, of your aborted departure. Look at the sky and imagine yourself on it, in it, through it. Absurdo. ¿Qué leías entonces ? Suskind.
Take one last picture of you in. Take another one. How many kilometers ? Now you have miles. Mille. Trying to get the reflection as (if) another eye were watching you. Simply wrong. Nothing (is) simple. (And you would still try to speak German in the plane, up to the point where the fly attendant gave you an immigration form auf Deutsch. Wortschatz, Wörterbuch. Ja, you recognize that (erkenne ich ?) (lost thought), always with a dictionary, even in Spanish ?) Ja.
A theme of the trip, the stay, la demeure: le ciel. This time you only wanted to take that. Especially while on the ground. Les nuages. Your famous European sky. Gray—the importance of that colour non colour—white all the spectrum, black the lack of all. And gray? Neither nor, ni ni. Irgendwie macht es dich bequem. Comfortable—certain kind of home. The ivory towers of neurosis. Einer gute alte Witz. The Chicago sky.
Two months ago. Vor zwei Monate, auf den Flugzeug. Zeuge. Tú eres un manojo de nervios. (The accents work still). Orange orage. Orageux foyer. Your face, one last time. The end of the trip. Voyage. Simple word. What have you done this summer? Deutsch lernen, und… You go back, not in Berlin, not in Zurich, still in. Yes, remain still. Changes?
Green. Take a walk, a stroll. Hiking. You never visited the German woods. Tiergarten, on one of your last days. This is a lake. Stay with the facts. Easier to handle. Manbuiltlake. Bauen. Hier? Green.
You’re not in Berlin anymore. You’re home.
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