der Hammer in Berlin: Kunst-Gewerbejournal

02/06/09

(Can the celebration happen without the threat of its imminent end?)

"We're going higher..." Wir gehen höher. The sky as we approach it could not be more independent. Permanent burning--we as its background. Everything is here--and this is no more a suspension.

The familiar forms, the familiar feelings & words. "Jump higher" "Come closer" Hangwire.

What we celebrate we cannot tell. With all the languages & the attempt at a comprehension. (As it rains, as it begins to rain, as it doesn't rain yet, as we go down before the rain.) What we celebrate hasn't happened yet. Perhaps will never arrive. We celebrate understanding.

03/06/09

Today while on the train you were trying to think in German and you missed your station--before that you bought whipping cream instead of yogurt--two distractions that actually feels good to have. Warum? Ich weiss es nicht. A symptom of relaxation or of a too strenuous mind. All your time trying to adjust, to feel and to not disappear while feeling in the city.

You had a conversation with your Gastgeber yesterday & he told you he met Beuys--"not personally" he said. Hard to explain to him what Beuys was/is for you and your friends (what is he?)

But today you'll speak about Wim Wenders, Paul Celan & Nietzsche--nothing academic, and that makes it harder. How to explain your likes, your taste, why this author and not that other one. Warum Deutsch und nicht Spanisch? (Weil du hier jetzt bist) (Weil du hier sein musstest). What is the word, 'destiny' in Deutsch? Le destin? Das Schicksal. Du weiss nicht.

A month here and you can barely speak. Will you feel the language when you come back? (25 days). (The Spaniard, the kid comes and you wish he would not say 'hi' to you... It's not the language, it's not the language).

You'll see new faces today, faces like yours when you arrived. You'll hear Englisch, you'll speak Englisch. Aber, jetzt hörst du Deutsch. Bis einen Punkt, verstehest du. Aber du möchstest nicht zu viel sprechen. Du hast Angst von der Fragen. Also. Es gibt keinen andere Weg.

04/06/09

Listening to Tuxedomoon on the train. A particular Berliner feeling. A little kid with an axe made of wood (Holz), sitting proud alone (his mother a meter away). A people of workers (What does that mean to you, a non-worker?)

You realize that apparently everything is easier in the morning--you, a night person, a haunted in (and by) the night.

Now Radiohead--as the sound of your time, a strange feeling. You have done much, you have done nothing.

"A different Hemisphere." No need of the quotation marks. Not so different. Difference is hard to find. Perhaps more in the little things (that kid, a nice encounter in Indiana, the silence when you arrive to Mexico). Die Leute unterscheiden sich von sich.

"Brother can you spare a dime?" "Once I built a railroad, I made it run... I made it run against time". "Once I built a railroad, and now it's done... Brother can you spare a dime?"

Geld sparen. Zeit sparen, Leben sparen. Nicht. "Say oh do you remember, I was your pal... Brother can you spare a dime?"

It's all in the way of walking. It's all an image, as the instance of liberation & captivity--at the same time.

Ich warte auf...

(escuchas español...)

17/06/09

U-Bahn nach Postdamerplatz. Von dort nach Orangerburger Str. Stammtisch "there's a place for us... somewhere (irgendwo)... a place for us..."

The movement of the train doesn't let you write. Ohne Computer. Ohne Kommunikation (How do you know how to spell this word? A "German" word now).

Gleisdreieck. You feel eyes over you, and yet nobody is watching. 11 days. more like 10. Genau. A day lost--until the night. Still in this hemisphere. Coming back, when? Wann?

¿Podrás leer esto después? Leer. Remember the story about the vagabond kneeling, falling, praying in the S-Bahn... you must that write "du musst das zu schreiben". For the first time your language(s) are melting--really--wirklich--richtig--in deinem Kopf. Cabeza. Testa. Atestígua.

Postdamerplatz. Café Josty?

Café Zosch--8:02 PM

You just talked with her. Du wartest auf C. und A. Ein grosses dunkel Bier. Regelmässig bleisst du zu Hause. Nicht ohne Computer. Die Kellerin ist verruckt. Nicht so net. Du bist ein Verfasser in Berlin. Today you helped a woman on the train, and at the sound of "merde" you changed to French. Just the necessary. "Bonne soirée".

Time ago these were all the strange (fremde) languages from Europe--The languages/tongues of the culture you'll never "habe" "und es ist immer noch so". The Stick in the tree.

Remember when you started smoking rolled cigarettes? Not in Mexiko, perhaps once. 2004 was the year. From when. Seit 5 Jahre jetzt. Cannot imagine what will be in 5 more years.

Everybody speaks better than you. Alle sprechen besser als dich. Tout le monde parle mieux que toi. Todos hablan mejor que tú. Todos los cuerpos, también. Genau. A poet. A poet of what are you?

A year from now. Perhaps a year.

The statue observes from above. Erinnerst du dich an die Halbinsel? Although far away from the sea. You know it, you feel it. Just another--of 60 days in Berlin.

Light a cigarette.